April 2008

Model: Me
Photographer: Wicked Heart Photography [link]
Title: from V for Vendetta

Just to avoid any confusion, that isn't my real hair, it's a gorgeous wig from [link]

"I don't know who you are. Please believe. There is no way I can convince you that this is not one of their tricks, but I don't care. I am me, and I don't know who you are but I love you. I have a pencil. A little one they did not find. I am a woman. I hid it inside me. Perhaps I won't be able to write again, so this is a long letter about my life. It is the only autobiography I will ever write and oh god I'm writing it on toilet paper.

I met my first girlfriend at school. Her name was Sara. She was fourteen and I was fifteen but we were both in Miss Watson's class. Her wrists. Her wrists were beautiful. I moved to London, enrolling at drama college. My mother said I broke her heart, but <b.it was my integrity that was important. Is that so selfish? It sells for so little, but it's all we have left in this place. It is the very last inch of us...
... But within that inch we are free.

I was happy in London. The world was strange and rustling and busy, with invisible crowds behind the hot lights and all the breathless glamour. It was exciting and it was lonely. At nights I'd go to Gateways or one of the other clubs, but I was stand-offish and didn't mix easily. I saw a lot of the scene, but I never felt comfortable there. In 1986 I starred in 'The Salt Flats.' It pulled in the awards but not the crowds. I met Ruth working on that. We loved each other. We lived together, and on Valentine's Day she sent me roses, and oh god, we had so much. Those were the best three years of my life. In 1988 there was the war...
... And after that there were no more roses. Not for anybody.

It is strange that my life should end in such a terrible place, but for three years I had roses and I apologized to nobody. I shall die here. Every inch of me shall perish...
... Except one.

An inch. It's small and it's fragile and it's the only thing in the world that's worth having. We must never lose it, or sell it, or give it away. We must never let them take it from us.

I don't know who you are, or whether you're a man or a woman. I may never see you. I may never hug you or cry with you or get drunk with you. But I love you. I hope you escape this place. I hope that the world turns and that
things get better, and that one day people have roses again."